Try not to look back
in anger or grieve again
live 2 see the dawn
Archive for the days in the life Category
Try not to look back
I’ve left unpublished maybe a dozen posts from the past month. My favorite title among them is, “Comrade Castro Passes, Comrade Trump Ascends, Comrade Putin Knows No Boundaries & Now the 20th Century Ends”.
That was when Castro died over the same weekend that Putin “joked” that Russia has no boundaries.
I had an uncle who was a Chicago cop who used to say, “when you don’t know what to do, don’t do nothin'”.
So I’ve been watching and listening.
A New Axis of White Nationalism is forming with poles running through Moscow and Donald Trump’s office. It is particularly anti-Islamic, which explains why, despite the prevalence of anti-semitism among his supporters, Trump is utterly supportive of the apartheid forces in Israel that are building settlements and attempting to obliterate any hope of a two state solution. It runs through the Phillipines where Duterte has murdered over ten thousand of his citizens under the presumption they are drug dealers without any due process. It runs through European nations where nostalgia for jackboots and marching is apparently in resurgence.
We will have an attorney general who does not believe in civil rights and has said that the worst thing about the Klan was that some of them used drugs. The Chief Strategist is a white supremacist and anti-semite who writes rhapsodies to totalitarianism. We will have a Secretary of Energy who wants to eliminate that department of the government. We will have Secretary of Education who has fought to destroy the public school system her entire adult life. We will have a Secretary of Housing and Urban Development who doesn’t really think he’s qualified for the job, because he’s not. The Secretary of State has almost as many conflicts of interest as the President-elect, who is going to continue to be an executive producer of Celebrity Apprentice among many other things. My pal Angry Wako pointed out to me in a message that
if the trump tweets can cause a specific company stock to fall sharply, any pre-knowledge of a tweet event could have been used by someone shorting the stock of the abused company.
The SEC should be compelled to look into trades that specifically profited from the fall in a Trump-targeted company stock and if those trades benefited Trump, a Trump family member, a Trump controlled company or a Trump associate.
Trump and his coterie are easily that venal, but there are only currently three commissioners because, surprise, the GOP blocked Obama’s appointments for years. So that means right off the bat Trump will personally be able to appoint two commissioners and then a third in 2017. So, those tweets are going to happen but I don’t think investigations will get very far.
If you felt a sick pit in your stomach as you read that, you are having an appropriate response.
Look at what is happening in North Carolina, where the GOP is trying to rewrite the rules of their state so that the incoming Democratic governor will be nothing more than a figurehead. For the next two years Donald Trump is going to have the freest hand imaginable in modern history and he is going to be surrounded with people who think what is happening in North Carolina makes a fine blueprint. But that shouldn’t be surprising because all this has happened before and will happen again. (I strongly recommend you click that link and check out that podcast as well as anything else over at the Dollop-very informational and incredibly entertaining at the same time.) What happened there was that a coup by white supremacists in Wilmington, North Carolina brought about the so-called “Restoration” by obliterating everything that had been accomplished by freed blacks and liberals during the period of Reconstruction. When you see Newt Gingrich gloating about Obama’s legacy being completely undone you are hearing the echoes of politicians who voted Jim Crow laws into being.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.
History doesn’t repeat, it rhymes.
Last week the Pakistani Defense Minister threatened Israel with a nuclear strike over a
fake news Russian propaganda story. Trump is talking about a massive buildup of nuclear weapons and doesn’t seem to appreciate or grasp the consequences of using them.
I have had Evangelical Christians tell me they voted for him because they thought it would surely bring Jesus back. I have to admit, Revelations 13:5 comes back to me every time I see his face. I actually can laugh at this because if Jesus were actually to come back I am sure they would not be nearly as happy about it as I would be.
To criticize or merely report factually about Trump results in a barrage of death threats, threats of rape and of kidnapping. When we call them “Nazi” and “Brownshirt” they get tiny erections but I don’t care if it thrills them, it’s accurate. They are nihilists overflowing with toxic masculinity and narcissism, which is why they often refer to Trump as their God Emperor; they are not being entirely ironic; they want to surrender themselves to an authoritarian tyrant for the lulz.
When I was doing regular standup on my old blog I would note where I would be appearing while pointing out that because of the stage lights I wouldn’t be able to see you coming at all, so if you wanted to take a shot at me that would be your best opportunity. I don’t think I would make that joke today. Not because I’m afraid, but because it’s not funny anymore.
In the days to come all of us are going to be tested. Our faith, our values, our very idea of what liberty and freedom mean are going to be challenged on a fundamental level. If we can be brave and wise, if we can be calm and cool, if we can retain our intellect and savior faire, we can overcome. Be strong.
My unlimited love to y’all,
I suppose the thing that makes most people nervous is that he will do the things he said he would do, even the contrary and nonsensical ones.
I suppose what makes me nervous is that nobody has any idea what he’s going to do, including him. He is going to become a president with unprecedented power, thanks to the majorities he brought into Congress; unless Obama does a recess appointment of Merrick Garland he is going to be holding onto a Supreme Court nominee from the get go. I suppose what makes me nervous is that he has demonstrated the stability of the Joker and the moral compass of Lex Luthor and he is going to be handed real, true temporal power over us all.
I suppose people are being either willfully stupid or are spectacularly naive when they say he’s going to be fine because in the past 36 hours he hasn’t grabbed anyone’s pussy or mockingly imitated someone with cerebral palsy. They seem to think the last seventy years of his life was just an elaborate act to craft the persona of a narcissist obsessed with fame and power who treated other people as objects and whose idea of business savvy was often simply fraud by another name; the real man is wise and sober of judgement, they assure us with fervent serenity. However, they are not calm; their panic causes them to freeze in the presence of a predator.
It is Veterans Day and the President Elect is a draft dodger who says he felt like he was in the military because he went to Exeter and compared avoiding catching an sexually transmitted disease to serving in Vietnam. He said of a POW who spent six years being tortured by the Vietcong that he preferred soldiers who don’t get caught. As of a few months ago he didn’t even know what a Gold Star family was while he was in the middle of denigrating one. He calls our generals “idiots” while demonstrating the same grasp of military tactics as a fifteen year old playing Risk. He has an extremely suspicious relationship with Russia that he has lied about. Now he is the Commander in Chief of our armed forces.
I have been warning for years about the Jezekiah Grasshoppers but now they have swarmed into Trump’s Locusts. The Klan is on the march and the Nazis are wanking themselves bloody. Kenny, you should join and I’m going to try to figure out the way I can be most effective; we have a large circle of quiet underachievers that we need to awaken, embolden, and activate for duty. We are not in the future, we are in the present our entire lives have been preparing us for.
Keep calm and carry on.
Once when I was in Rome I had to drag a young man away from a three card monte operator as he pointed at a guy who looked like the hustler’s cousin and yelled, “but that guy just won!”
A chump is never more certain of not being a chump as when they are getting ripped off. When I hear people who voted for Trump talk about how they believe what he says I hear the same certainty of someone who just agreed to a game of cups and balls on the subway. Some are the people who want the salesman to like them. Others imagine Jesus to be Young Santa Claus. Too many of them think because they are racist and cynical they understand the world. They get everything backwards and resent people who go forwards.
All it took for our Christians to overlook his grotesque hedonistic sexual self-indulgence and general immorality was his overt racism. These gleeful hypocrites are raising a Beast to rule over us; perhaps they find their soft reflections in its golden hooves more pleasing than the sight of Christ on the Cross. Several months ago I privately shared Revelation 13:5 with Kenny, which reads, “The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months.”
To be honest, it gives me chills and while I don’t believe Revelations can or should be read literally, one would think that people who purportedly love the Bible so much more than everyone else wouldn’t need me to make the connection. On the other hand, it does guarantee he’s a one-term President.
My faith has been quite centering and I am actually feeling quite positive and vitally alive; I am a rebel by nature and spent no time wallowing in self-pity. I am rallying my forces and sounding the alarm. I am going to stand my ground and provide safety for all those I can. I am going to fight ignorance and intolerance in every way that I can. I am going to work harder for the Democrats than I ever have before in my life. I am going to support joy, art and peace while countering Trumpism however I can.
My unlimited love to you all (Keep calm and carry on),
November 9, 2016
It’s the first night of October, a Saturday and I’m here in the house alone except for Rosie at my feet. She’s our gorgeous Rottweiler puppy who has brought even more delight into my life. Mama Julia and Little Tony are out with her mother overnight and I find myself in possession of unexpected free time, so I thought I would write to you, my neglected loves.
Thanks to Donald Trump the grasshoppers are swarming themselves into locusts and people are only now starting to notice the growing danger they pose. The so-called “alt-right” is nothing new, they’ve just grown bold as hate since Trump dropped the standard of acceptable public discourse into the sewer. A little over eight years ago I attracted the attention of white supremacist websites such as Stormfront and I got a clear look at the crazy racist rage that is fueling Trump’s base today.
I just threw some Zeppelin on. Loud. I’m having a nice big bowl of tea. Green tea. Some artisanal shit called “Bubblemango Haze”, I think. Tasty.
I cannot imagine how anyone who is actually thinking of voting for him would even read this far down, really, so I know I’m preaching to the choir; I will at least try to be edifying. I’ve kept Sarcasticus more or less in his sheath lately because I’ve been fighting the good fight in different ways; making racist trolls cry uncle is fun but it doesn’t make enough of a difference in the big picture. Instead, I’ve been redoubling my efforts in the real world to make the changes I want to see happen, at least in small ways.
I’m directing a production of “Macbeth” that will go up the weekend before the election; it’s themes of power and the consequences of immoral and unworthy people attaining it are especially timely. It is being staged in a very straightforward way that seeks to make the story clear and keeps it in its time and place; there will be no gangsters, Nazis or Klingons running amok. In terms of casting I have taken a ‘blind’ approach to gender and race; my Macbeth is neither white nor male while Lady Macbeth is being played by an actor who is both. This is not an arbitrary decision emerging from my lefty politics but rather an aesthetic choice made from my interaction with the text over a span of decades as well as my own philosophical views in the art of acting, including why I don’t use the term “actress”, instead using “actor” to refer to all of my performers for the simple reason that it is accurate to do so. The role of the actor is to perform the actions of the script as directed by the director. We do not call female directors “directresses” (although to my surprise, when spellcheck did not correct that term I just now discovered that term does technically exist) or women writers “writeresses” (F*** YOU COLLINS DICTIONARY!) and since any well-trained actor should be able to play a wide variety of characters with depth and nuance it makes no sense to discriminate regarding the gender of the performing artist because we don’t call female artists “artresses” (I CHECKED!). Of course, it’s not as if this is first production of a Shakespeare play with women playing male characters (and Lady Macbeth was originally played by a teenaged boy, after all) and that’s why it is being done without comment in terms of the program and marketing; I am not seeking to be avant garde but rather the mere standard of adequacy.
The rehearsals are going well. Maybe I will get to write a little more in the morning about it. The tea made me sleepy and it’s late. I’m going to walk Rosie and let her sleep in bed with me tonight.
My unlimited love to y’all,
I have tried three, now four times to write you since I saw your comment. That’s part of the problem. Julia and I have a four and a half year old little boy and a five month old Rottweiler running around, our jobs keep us on crazy schedules and some damn thing or another is coming up. Yesterday Julia needed to get a tooth extracted.
But that’s just short term bs. I am doing a lot of writing and creative work right now but I haven’t been blogging especially about politics because for the love of Christ, just look at it.
I’ve been talking to you for a long time, my invisible friend, and you know me to be a sane and rational fellow, but I am empathetic, intuitive, and in touch enough with myself to understand other people in a way that almost seems eerie to me sometimes, and when I see Donald Trump these days, I…
Are you familiar with The Dead Zone by Stephen King? It feels a bit like that but worse.
******************TWO DAYS PASS*******************************
Madness and horror, Huck. That’s what I see when I close my eyes and hear his voice.
Do you want an honest bit of crazy poetry that will unsettle and shake you? Read on,
I’ll tell you what jams my minds eye and floods my subconscious with static broken
recitations of the gibbering spittle flecked rants of the Alzheimer’s ward at Christmas,
the sound of something angrily pounding from the inside of an infants coffin
and tentacles caressing snake bodies, cephalopods embracing reptiles,
broken nature recombining the recombinant into revenge upon the primate
and the guns oh the fucking guns the precious guns the giant steel cocks of death
worshipped by the cowards and closet cases not brave enough to suck a real cock
the equalizer that lets a lone mongrel kill a lion or every other fucking dog it sees
Mammon is shouting to the possessed, calling the demons to awaken among us
Mammon is shouting to the possessed, calling the demons to awaken among us
and I know that’s so crazy but that’s what it is: a nihilist narcissist empowered ego
calling the maniacs to serve it by any means necessary, that now is the time for all
madmen to come to destroy their country, and the grasshoppers are swarming
and metamorphosing into monstrous locusts ravenous for civilizations and
always the oceans are rising and the summers are getting hotter and this one
is going to set records, and I hear him laughing and something perfected
in the Cretaceous regards me with the mercy of a spider and I know that
Mammon is shouting to the possessed, calling the demons to burn it all down
Mammon is calling to the possessed, shouting for demons to burn it all down
and he sounds like maggots and flies buzzing in my ears everything is backwards
and nobody knows how it happened when it was obvious all along that it’s
what they had been asking for all along and there is the sound of bodies locked in
riga mortis falling to the ground it was over a long time ago except for the screaming
which is only getting louder as the weaklings join the mongrel wearing a lion skin
Mammon is calling the demons to wake you up and join his party (a monster’s Baal)
Mammon’s demons want to wake you make you join his party (the monster’s Baal)
So yeah, when I try to write about politics I keep getting stuff like that.
I’m in one of those moments where life is whirling around me. My fledgling theater company of which I am the artistic director is about to stage our first production; we open on Friday. Julia’s father has been lingering near death in the ICU, his liver and kidneys failed and requiring a ventilator and heart pump while his body fought off septic shock for two weeks. He has however, regained consciousness and is off of the ventilator and is no longer in shock. She has been staying overnights at the hospital by his bedside. I’ve been waking up and getting Little Tony and myself off to Pre-K and the Clown Factory respectively. Also, we got a beautiful little Rottweiler puppy about three weeks ago just before her dad went in the hospital.
And really, there is so much more to the story about poor Carl that I am not getting into here and I don’t even know if I should.
Julia got in wreck with a UPS truck. Her and Little Tony were fine. The Civic did its job and absorbed the energy of the impact, protecting its precious passengers by sacrificing itself. The transmission went out on our other car.
And Julia just got back to work after having been off since her knee surgery before Christmas.
But things are beautiful.
The Clown Factory is actually not at all a bad place to work despite the demented management and frequent pie fights. Wendy and I have a morning book club where we lead the Palookas through great work of literature. Currently, to my great delight, we are reading 1984. The Palookas love it as I knew they would but I constantly worry about being accused of being a fomenter of class consciousness by the Harlequins that run the place. In any case, their general disapproval of my work only confirms its importance to me.
I haven’t nearly enough face time with Little Tony, though, and that certainly does suck.
But our puppy is wonderful.
And I have to run to run a dress rehearsal.