April Catastrophe @Iamanidiot

This morning was a waking nightmare written by Jerry Seinfeld.
After days of sleeplessness and anticipation it was finally Sunday morning and I had a brunch date I cannot even tell you how much I was looking forward to. I had naturally been up late but had finally drifted off and woke up at nine am to my chiming alarm and my new kitten.

The kitten.

I got a new kitten yesterday. She is adorable and wonderful and orange and her name I have just now realized is April. I wanted to name her Dorothy or Alice but they didn’t seem to fit but April does because it is wonderful and terrible all at the same time. To be clear she is not terrible in the least except for what she did to me this morning. I haven’t had a cat in so very long and little April is already my shadow, even now she is curled about my neck and shoulders; we took to each other immediately and when I finally did fall asleep last night it was because this purring sweetheart hopped into the bed and snuggled into me. And then this morning I was laying there, ready to spring into the shower when little paws began kneading the knots in my neck and she nuzzled me and I smiled and thought that I could let this little adorable kitten massage my neck for a little bit more and then it was brighter and the phone pinged and there were two messages and my stomach plunged in terrified disbelief as the impossible realization hit me.


I look about frantically for my time machine and realize that I don’t have one. I text. I call. I leave a voicemail. I text. I send an email. I don’t know what to do. I do all of this in a fraction of the time that I slept away something I can’t even express to you how much I had thought about and oh Christ even now I am so angry with myself as I type this. She of course graciously forgave me. She got up, went there, sat and waited while I slept with a kitten on my neck and she forgave me. I feel so wretched with myself right now. I am beside myself and that’s not far enough because right now I can’t stand myself. I just cannot believe I did that to someone that I am trying to demonstrate my tremendous regard, affection and interest to; I just can’t believe I actually did that. It was literally my worst anxiety about today and it came true. And yet she forgave me and the world is still spinning.

That darn cat…


2 Responses to “April Catastrophe @Iamanidiot”

  1. Kenny Lazarus Says:

    April is the cruelest cat.

    Or something like that…

  2. […] if you needed closure on the anecdote, my gracious and charming friend decided to be gracious and charming about my oafish foolishness. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: