today the sky was blue

Talked to Martha this morning. Kenny’s fever had broken and he was feeling better, which is a really good sign. Martha sounded optimistic. He was supposed to go to St Louis tomorrow, but they moved up the transport. Wulf and I had intended to go visit him tonight, but when we got word he was leaving early, we raced through rush hour traffic to catch him before he left. We had only made it to Elston and Western when Martha called to let us know the ambulance had shown up and they were on their way. We turned around, knowing that at least we had tried. It’s been a long time since I’ve driven around with Wulf, and it was good to reconnect today. Kenny brought us together.

I don’t want to give false hope to anyone; his condition is very serious and could easily be fatal. It was so strange talking on the phone because my fear was so palpable in my mouth as I struggled to stay positive when he told me that the infection had made it to the graft. I know exactly how dangerous it is and that’s why I’m scared. I called my mom on the way to work this morning and she cried. My mom loves Kenny.

All of my friends are my best friends. I really don’t know how else to explain it. There is no one else like Kenny in the world just as there is no one else in the world like Wulf. Or any of you. Kenny teaches me things. He taught me that the death penalty was wrong. We had fierce arguments on that one and he won. Over the years he has learned that the secret to winning any debate with me is to be right. It gives it that little extra oomph that no rhetorical trick could ever hope to achieve. Kenny generally concedes when we’re arguing about the silly stuff, but he’s managed to pin me on the really big matches. Like God.

I know that we are all on a conveyer belt to oblivion. Not only are we all going to die, but we are all going to be forgotten. Not only will we personally be forgotten, but everything familiar and adored by us will be erased. We are all Ozymandias. Whatever love there is in the world, whatever joy, whatever grace we experience is made by humans. Whatever crime, humiliation, or injustice is suffered, it is made by other humans. We manifest and are responsible for whatever good or evil is worked in the world. There is a perspective that encompasses not only our entire lives or the entire existence of our species, but of all the possible paths those lives could exist upon. It is not possible for humanity to comprehend this perspective any more than a character in a book can comprehend the person reading the book.

Kenny, more than any individual save perhaps my Grandfather, has strengthened my faith. He has taught me compassion and that there is a difference between the sacred and profane. He taught me what forgiveness could mean and why it is so necessary for our souls. He has seen me at my best and worst and still he is my friend. 

Today the sky was blue and I lived another day in the life full of useless beauty and peculiar adventure, just like everyone else. Today I talked to Kenny and prayed real hard. I hope you do, too.

2 Responses to “today the sky was blue”

  1. Please pass on my very best wishes from all the way over here. x x

  2. Consider it done, baby. I haven’t heard anything yet today, but I’ll keep everyone posted.

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