Gardening At Night

*written at 6am, posted much later due to signal loss…

So, after I finished the last post I did a search for Becky and I’m 99.9% sure I found her. She’s a librarian on the West Coast and she has a blog that is all about books and research. I read a good chunk of it before I finally went to bed. She is more herself now than who I remember her to be; that is to say she has blossomed. I peeked at her flicker and the first image was of an elephant hand puppet contemplating a pretty view. It seems that she has passed through the last few decades with her whimsical soul intact which brought me no small measure of relief. I felt a silly selfish twinge of disappointment when I saw a guy in some of the photos who surely is a significant somebody, but this was replaced in a second by a sense of relief at the happiness I saw in her eyes. I left her a message on her blog that I hope she doesn’t find creepy.

It’s occurred to me that some of my regular readers might find these past few posts surprising, if that’s the right word. I know that you think you think you know everything about me but rest assured that I frequently discover mysterious regions inside myself. My muses know me as well as anyone and there are swaths of territory in me even they haven’t seen; not because these places were concealed but rather they were outside of the relevant sphere of our relationship. This is not to say that I am deeper than the average bear. All of us contain undiscovered universes within ourselves; at any given moment only a single facet of the jewel of who we are is presented to the world. The totality of our selves is always eclipsed.

Around a decade ago Lily told me that I am in love with being in love. I understand what she meant and how I must be seen even by those who know me well. I am not a monotheistic lover; my heart belongs to a pantheon without hierarchy. My devotion is complete yet divided, sincere but not exclusive. I don’t cheat but neither am I good with rules. Or maybe I’m just justifying my failure to commit.   

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