At the bottom of the year… (pause)

…I remember how much I hate this time of year. But let’s go through the obligatory motions, shall we?
(pause)
Vote for Wank of the Year!

(pause)

Lara took me to the Steppenwolf to see the ‘Caretaker’ in 1985. I had no idea who Gary Sinise or John Malkovich were, much less Harold Pinter, but before the end of the first act I was…

(brief pause)

This post actually should be my top 10 Teahouse posts of the year.

(pause)

It is difficult to appreciate the really big things. It’s easy to appreciate small things, shiny things, simple things, but for the stuff that really is formative and primal, the things that make up the… the undercarriage, the foundation, the… underlying structure of our perspective… …the… …the surface and skin is easy to… …but… …we take for granted that which we have completely integrated into ourselves. It’s easy to forget…

(pause)

I was young and very excited to be out with Lara. She is actually the overwhelming impression of the memory of that day. So sophisticated, so smart, so exuberant and beautiful. It was blustery and she was rosy cheeked in her scarves and muffs. I think we were going as her birthday gift.

(pause)

It’s terrifying what I can’t recall.

(long pause)

The theater was intimate and all the seats were excellent. We were on a double date with her mom, but I’m enchanted by her as well and enjoy her company. Then the play began… If you haven’t seen the Caretaker, it would be difficult to explain the story in a way that would… …and simply reading Pinter’s plays… …that… …well, it really doesn’t do them justice. To read Aston’s monologue at the end of act 2 is… …not the same thing as seeing it. I was… I can remember now how transfixed, how focused I was…. this was in the early days of computerized light boards and they were able to fade the lights so gradually that the scene went from fully lit to a small halo around the actor’s face over the course of three minutes without… …it was the most effective fade to black I’ve ever seen… it was so… absorbing… …I fell out of myself…

(pause)

It’s difficult, living on this side of Pinter, to appreciate what he did… …to subtext and the unsaid… …to the perspective of literature.

(pause)

It’s difficult to appreciate what that day did to my life.

(pause)

It’s like trying to imagine… …who I would be if I…

(pause)

I couldn’t really think of ten posts anyway.

(pause)

I can think of a few off of the top of my head, but they’re all just me annoying conservatives, and we’ve all seen that… …’course, Pinter would appreciate that… …it’s an easy thing to do, anyway, annoying a conservative…. …reality does that to them without my help, sure enough.

2 Responses to “At the bottom of the year… (pause)”

  1. Sir Winston…

    Actually, for me it was Pinter’s Betrayal, the play about a long-standing affair that goes backwards in time to the beginning of the whole mess. It was one of those literary works that made me want to write things. (But The Caretaker’s pretty awesome too–saw it in Milwaukee several years ago with Aurora, just before we were married, and the same monologue you speak of was done by the actor in a way that needed no lighting effects. It was chilling.)

    Been a strange year for us. Many changes, much promise. No resolutions, of course–just plans. At the end of the year I’ll either have done it or I won’t. Do or do not–there is no try.

  2. I have a feeling 2009 is going to be interesting for everybody, and as we’re watching Obama on the telly Miss Mayweather just pointed out that it’s going to be a historical year no matter what. That reminds me, it’s been a year since I’ve seen you folks. We should get together soon.

    The monologue needs nothing but to be delivered, but finding ourselves in the blackout without remembering how it got to be that way was very effective considering it’s theme…

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