Liveblogging the VP Debates

Tonight I’m liveblogging at the Mayweathers as we watch the VP debates. Last Friday, we liveblogged the debates and I found the thread a delightful collaboration. Speaking of which, I highly recommend ‘Of Pirates and Mummies’ as well.

Today while riding the bus Miss Mayweather witnessed a prophet who said that ‘to succeed in this city you must be shrewd like the Jew’ and talked about how when he was six years old he worked in the cotton fields and that the book of Ezekiel was the first book of the Bible and then some stuff about Abraham and she couldn’t recall what else precisely, but that he did mention that he hadn’t been in County Jail for nearly twenty years and that he was 62 years of age. She also noted that he had a powerful blend of odors emanating from his person. As he did not attempt to touch her or address her directly she chose to enjoy the experience.

The debate begins. (The transcript is quite surreal at times.)

Biden opens swinging on the economy.

Palin says ‘you betcha’ and talks about parents at soccer games. All in all, she does a fair approximation of that new character Tina Fey is doing.

Biden talks about what McCain has been doing for the past week like Chuck Norris engages in any activity.

Palin… You have to be kidding me. Her description of predatory lenders is.. holy shit, she just said ‘Joe Six Pack’. And invoking the Holocaust. And is being so nakedly populist that it’s pornographic in its subtley.

Biden quotes McCain saying he wants to deregulate health care the way he deregulated the banks. Then he talks about an actual person he talked to. Not ‘Joe Six Pack’. This cat is fast as lightnin’.

Palin simply refuses to address Biden’s point on McCain’s support for deregulation.

Biden scores again with the same point.

Palin refuses to address it again. She’s like Monty Python’s Black Knight, refusing to acknowledge both her arms have been cut off.

Biden on health care
his mouth a ninja army
slicing hot wisdom

Palin snarls lies
budget neutral bullshit flies
empty fury yawn

Biden slaps back taxes
and dissects McCain’s health care plan
with the facts his
opponent relaxes

Palin simply lies again
and changes the subject
cavils over minutiae
and claims expertise in energy
and then claims
inexperience in politics.

Biden tears into her like Chow Yun Fat into gangsters.

Palin claims that we’ve just suddenly noticed corruption on Wall Street.

Biden destroys her non arguments.

Palin makes an ungraceful pivot and starts rambling about energy. And countries that don’t like America. Then energy becomes the actual question. She acknowledges that climate change is happening but doesn’t think we need to argue or discuss whether humans have anything to do with it, but we’ve got to do something about it. She refused to answer the question.

Biden takes full advantage of her absurd response by talking like someone who knows what they are talking about. 

Palin then talks erotically about oil.

Biden talks eloquently about how homosexuals should have full human rights.

Palin implies she has friends who disagree with her about gay marriage.

Palin is thankful for our war plan.

Biden describes the plan and the situation in Iraq cogently and makes the argument that Obama and Biden

Palin says that Biden and Obama are ‘waving the white flag of surrender’. What fucking ‘victory’ are we going to have? Saddam Hussein has been dead for years. There are terrorist groups all over the planet. Why do we have to continue occupying Iraq indefinitely? Biden delivers a body slam on this point.

Biden keeps rolling as he talks about Iran and Pakistan. He points out that McCain keeps insisting the central front of the War on Terror is in Iraq, rather than in the cave where Osama bin Laden is lurking.

Palin refers to General Petreaus and the leader of AlQaida as the authorities on where the central front of War on Terror is.

Palin says we wouldn’t let there be another Holocaust.

Biden gives props to Condi for trying to turn things around these past few years with her extended solo tour. It does seem that she drifted off from the band a while ago and has been trying to do what she can without any support or connection to the…

Palin loves Israel. Then she talks about Bush Administration blunders but says we shouldn’t talk about them and vote for McCain.

Palin says ‘nuclear’ even more terribly than W. That and that alone is reason enough.

The military aspect of this debate is surreal. Beyond description. Enjoy the hum.

Miss Mayweather and I have decided that the most terrifying aspect of Sarah Palin is her voice. It is the voice on the loudspeakers in the Joycamps. It is voice of the interrogator, of the vapid bureaucrat, the ultimate Power Point Narrator. It’s flat quaver numbs narcotically as it weaves empty cliched nonsense that dulls the wits, like a serpent hypnotizing it’s prey.

Palin just said she wants the Vice President to have more power in dealings with the Senate.

Biden talks about acting as an independent advisor to the President

Palin talks about having her own agenda and that she agrees with Cheney on his philosophy of the unique power of the office of the Vice President.

Biden says Cheney is the most dangerous Vice President in history and that his philosophy is bizarre and dangerous. He said dangerous twice.

When asked what her biggest weakness was, she starts rambling about her family and being middle class and American Exceptionalism how America is the Shining City on the Hill and Reagan and John McCain.

Biden is awesome.

Palin insists that change is coming and John McCain is the leader in the midst of empty buzz.

Palin whines of the cruel filter of the mainstream media. She says ‘children’ over and over and then utters prophesies of a day when people will say ‘remember when we used to be free?’

Biden finishes gracefully.

‘preciate that.

When I first wrote about Sarah Palin I said that I thought there was a certain element of ‘Rocky’ in her story, and that she wouldn’t necessarily have to win, but just go the distance in order to make her national career. In that sense, the bar of expectation has been set very low in her case and anyone who notices is sexist. Clearly I am not an objective observer but she out-Quayled Quayle. She wants to expand the power of the Vice Presidency and continue in the footsteps of Dick Cheney with her own independent agenda? Is she deranged with arrogance or truly so ignorant as to not understand what she is implying with those words? Was she just trying to sound ‘pro-active’ for the interview portion of the competition? The mind reels.

6 Responses to “Liveblogging the VP Debates”

  1. Did anyone leave the after-debate banter on? We watched on BBC and the broadcasters there said this was a clear win for Biden. All the families came up onto the stage and Palin says “GIMME THAT BABY so they can see me with my BABY!”, grabs the baby and proceeds to smack it on the back repeatedly. Man, that was one ugly baby, BTW. DS or not. Damn Ugly baby.

  2. She’s a female Bush. She practiced non-stop for a couple weeks for this debate and this is as good as it gets.

    You forget to mention that she resurrected a Reagan quote again. Why do they keep doing that?? He had DEMENTIA for chrissakes!!

  3. Wow, judging from the news reports (which apparently have all toed the same “she didn’t suck as badly as everyone thought she would” line), you’d never know any of what you described happened. For example, I haven’t seen a single reference to the Holocaust or the “Remember when we used to be free?” boondoggle *anywhere* else so far.

    Now I wish I’d been watching with you guys. (Though Batman was a very worthwhile alternative to the debate.)

    (Could you fill in some of the few remaining blanks when you get a chance, if you can recall what happened at those points? What was the Obama/Biden war-plan argument, for instance?)

    Nice haiku, man.

  4. Thanks, man.

    She reminds me of Bush in many ways; woefully incurious, condescendingly populist, dangerously ambitious and frightfully ignorant. We muted the telly almost immediately.

    There’s a link to the transcript above. It would be more useful to directly read what Biden said in full than for me to interpret it. However I did pull the relevant Palin quotes out, tho’.
    ‘One thing that Americans do at this time, also, though, is let’s commit ourselves just every day American people, Joe Six Pack, hockey moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say never again.’
    The way she said ‘never again’ sounded like a Survivor talking about the Holocaust.

    ‘Israel is our strongest and best ally in the Middle East. We have got to assure them that we will never allow a second Holocaust, despite, again, warnings from Iran and any other country that would seek to destroy Israel, that that is what they would like to see.’

    ‘It was Ronald Reagan who said that freedom is always just one generation away from extinction. We don’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream; we have to fight for it and protect it, and then hand it to them so that they shall do the same, or we’re going to find ourselves spending our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children about a time in America, back in the day, when men and women were free.’
    The way she spoke this was so awkwardly unnatural that the ‘or’ simply didn’t register to my ear before she spoke the sentence.

    This is the money shot-
    “And that’s not only to preside over the Senate and will take that position very seriously also. I’m thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president’s policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are.”

    Gotta run. Wedding rehearsal.

  5. Agh.

    The spin was the ebst part. I invite thee to compare:

    Biden, according to most of his supporting pundits and analysts, won because he showed a deep and comprehensive grasp of foreign and domestic issues, and the ability to be President pretty much instantly if, God forbid, something should happen to Obama.

    -likewise-

    Palin, according to her supporters and analysts, won because she was folksy like the girl next door, and made everyone fall in love with her, and openly (and literally) refused to actually answer the questions put to her. And because Pat Buchanan clearly wants to do her.

    Case closed.

  6. Prof-
    When one considers that a few months ago Obama’s supporters were derided as engaging in blindly naive devotion to an empty suit there is no shortage of irony in considering that these same people are now Sarah Palin’s most vocal supporters. Then there’s big pile of irony generated every time one of these people cry ‘sexism’ when Their Girl is criticized in any way. After all, we can remember how these people spoke of Hillary Clinton mere months ago. Their cynicism knows no bounds, and their bullying of the media for the past decade has left that estate too timid and punch-drunk to know how to deal with Sarah Palin. They are so flinchy that they are treating Palin with an absolutely undeserved deference and lack of scrutiny. To wit: Joe Biden’s net worth is around $277,000, which is primarily in his house. He is the poorest member of the US Senate. Sarah Palin, who only released her financial records today, is worth at least a million dollars. So that kind of blows that whole middle class thing to hell, doesn’t it? The ‘Joe Six Pack’ on that stage was the guy whose most valuable asset was where his family lived. But instead the media follows the narrative that Sarah Palin is just like all the other Wal Mart shoppers. Just like they followed the narrative that the Harvard and Yale educated son of a previous President was just a regular fella. Being inarticulate and anti-intellectual doesn’t mean you’re middle class or not an elitist of the worst kind. It’s insulting to all of us who didn’t have parents who could send us to Europe means that being incurious and ignorant is our defining trait. It is frighteningly irresponsible to pretend that Sarah Palin is somehow qualified for the job she is looking to expand the powers of beyond Cheney’s transgressions. She doesn’t even have the job yet. I’m praying she never does.

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